Nous avons bien arrives!

And I do want to add, "just barely," although the actual travel part of the journey was relatively painless except for the lingering jet lag. The getting to the travel day part was probably the hardest and scariest things I've ever done. For one thing, just a week before Christmas, we had to accept the fact that the loan was just not going to come through and had to decide whether to chuck the whole move, look for new jobs in January and sell Petit Clos, or proceed as scheduled and basically wing it. "Winging it" included borrowing on a 401k, my drumming up freelance work & possibly selling a few of our plots of land not adjacent to our property as well as attempt to get a B&B up and running by summer with little or no budget. I guess you know now what we decided to do. Okay, here we go again. I'm beginning to feel like that damn Energizer bunny who just won't stop (even if it means walking off a cliff).

Our container arrived about a week ago and during the storm that would eventually dump about 9 inches of rain, Hank, my stepfather, younger brother and nephew moved all of our worldly possessions up our steep driveway into a 20-foot container. Thank God my mom came up the night before to help us pack as we hadn't had a lot of spare time to fit that important detail in while still working, going to last doctors visits, canceling utilities, scheduling carpets to be cleaned, having final pet health certificates certified by the USDA (all of which were never looked at by either the French or American authorities at the airports), to name a few of the things we were busy doing during that last week.

A few days later, the container was picked up and now we were left trying to figure out what to do with all the stuff that didn't make the cut that we hadn't sold and either needed to be stored or donated. That was really difficult for me as every item had to be thoughtfully considered and as I became more and more overwhelmed, I just started throwing things away. Thankfully, our dear friends, Dale & Fariba, offered to hold a garage sale for us just before the new tenants move in on the 15th and let the Salvation Army come by and pick up the remainder the day after. I cannot begin to describe how fortunate we are to have such friends. Others kindly made us dinners and offered to help us in any way needed the week before we left. Christmas gifts were generously given and I couldn't help but feel like a Scrooge this year for not being able to reciprocate. I can just hope that we will see everyone in the near future so we can at least give back a little in the form of a French country holiday.

And even though there was no going back since our house was now rented out for a year and all of our things were on a ship hopefully not capsizing on the Atlantic, I struggled daily with the stress of how we would manage. I also came to understand why people are prescribed valium or xanax and asked my doctor for a small prescription just to get me on that plane with 2 dogs and a cat in cargo (and of course my calm husband and mature daughter who did not seemed nearly as nervous as I). It actually did seem to help.

We arrived without a hitch last Monday and made our way back to Lauzanac to stay in the same gite we rented from Isabelle and Thierry last year while we planned to attempt to make freezing, cold Petit Clos somewhat habitable. Fortunately, our neighbors that had been collecting our mail, airing out our house and turning off the water when the temperature was below freezing had also turned the heater on for our arrival so at least the living room and kitchen were nice and cozy. They also left us wine, champagne and chocolates with a sweet note welcoming us to France. Isabelle and Thierry, who have been instrumental in assisting us with obtaining our carte de sejour, introducing us to the local Mairie, possibly finding a local farmer to make hay on our property, AND inviting us to their weekly volleyball games again, also left us wine and chocolates and a "bienvenue en France" when we arrived.

Anyway, we're all good. Caleigh's been reconnecting with all of her friends from school and feeling better about her understanding of French. Hank is in his element, but just trying to figure out where to begin at the house on a severely reduced budget. He began stripping wallpaper in the living room today and we'll hopefully have it primed and ready to paint next week. The dogs absolutely love running in the fields - our Australian Blue is in heaven. All he needs now are some sheep.

We ordered our home phones, internet, tv and mobile phones yesterday which means that we will be better connected soon. In fact, under our plan, all calls to the U.S. are free and Caleigh can text to her hearts desire with both her American and French friends.

All in all, we're settling in even though this doesn't feel quite real yet. I'm sure that the first blast of the next winter storm due next week spent in our 100+ year old stone house with little or no heat other than 4 fireplaces will help convince us of our new reality. Will keep you posted...

Aftermath

After two sleepless nights knowing that the bank had received my "employment verification" but having no idea what it said on the form in the "prospect for continued employment" section, the bank finally confirmed that everything looked fine.

Phew, we had dodged another bullet. Little did we know, there was a sniper still hidden behind the chimney, on the roof.

By Wednesday, we still had not received our "final, final" approval so I followed up with the bank. They still haven't heard they tell me.

"So, should I pay December's mortgage and property taxes due in TWO days (and were supposed to be folded into the loan)?" I ask.

"Well, it's up to you if you want to avoid late penalties.

Seeing that the property tax penalty is over $500 and the mortgage one is least $200, along with a ding on our credit score, why yes, I would like to avoid late penalties.

"Thanks so much for the heads up," I say as I prepare to rush down to the post office.

"Oh, you cannot mail it because it won't be reflected in the system which could delay the process by another 10 days or more. The best thing to do is take it downtown or pay online," they inform me.

"Okay, it's 4pm on Thursday. I live in Topanga so it's pretty much a certainty that I would not make it to the tax office downtown by 5pm. Since paying online could involved a hefty service fees I asked if the bank would cover it. Of course they would not.

"Are you kidding? Were you going to call me about this at any point" I asked flabbergasted, but I immediately got online and found out that if you use a debit card, the fees are low and the payment immediate. I forward the receipt to the bank and that near catastrophe is averted.

So, we should be good to go we think. The fact that this loan is still a possibility is a miracle. That is, until Thursday arrived. That afternoon, we received a call from the bank. "There's something wrong with Henry's W2 that is not matching up." Apparently, although his W2's matched our tax filings for the past two years, nothing was coming up up when they tried verifying this amount with the IRS. Something didn't upload when his employer filed their employee's W-2's for the past year and the bank could not verify that he had made the amount of money reflected on his W2. We had to cancel our visit to Boulder, Colorado and I feel like such a loser to have to cancel on my cousin and his family for the second time.

So, all of Thursday night and about 4 hours on Friday, Hank was on the phone with both the IRS and Social Security offices trying to get this resolved. He spent so much time on the phone on hold that he kept having to switch phones and recharge them while he was holding. At the end of the day, it was resolved between all parties involved that he would have to go to the IRS with his employer on Monday morning and beg for a letter that certified that his W2's did indeed match those of his employer. Oh, and my employer called and said that my resignation letter must be submitted on Monday and that it could potentially send out a red flag. Yippee. We've got a fun weekend of waiting for Monday.

But, somehow we actually did have a nice weekend that helped readjust my growing negative attitude over this whole thing. First of all, when our Colorado plans changed, we were able to attend a dear friend's 50th birthday celebration with the birthday boy and his wife so generously treating 10 of their closest friends to an incredible 8-course tasting menu at Bastide on Melrose Place.

Then, after dropping off Caleigh and her friends down on PCH so they could take the bus to Third Street Promonade on Sunday morning, I was driving back up the canyon and came upon the aftermath of a 2-car collision. I was the first car there so I pulled over and went to see how the two women involved in the accident were. They were badly, badly shaken up, but thankfully for both them and me, no blood, broken bones or worse and I was able to call 911 and report the accident somewhat coherently. As I stayed with them until the police, fire and paramedics arrived I talked with them and they were both so helpful and apologetic to each other, I was amazed. A motorcyclist was slowing down traffic around the blind curve and this kind, tall Israeli guy smartly suggested that we all get away from the smashed cars and off the street. Then the younger woman started to get more and more upset and I kept telling her, "you're gonna be okay. you just need to go to the hospital to make sure there's not anything seriously wrong." And then she burst into tears and said that there was indeed something seriously wrong with her. She had a cancerous brain tumor. Ah geez, no. This beautiful young woman, with big, brown eyes and a long black braid and cute little silver ring pierced on the side of her nose. No....So I stayed with them for as long as I could and when it was time for me to go, I hugged her and told her that she was going to be alright. This complete stranger thanked and hugged me back. I pray she will be.

So, that's my story for the day. I'm stressed out of my mind over this loan and our move to France and yet, no matter what happens, I realize just where I need to put these worries on a scale of importance. And I also understand even more why we have to pursue this dream now.

A Long Night Ahead

So, I think most of you know our current crazy plan since our house didn't sell last summer. Re-finance and rent our place until the market improves and we had not one, but three lenders pre-approve us, final approve us and then change their terms or programs midway through which had us going back and forth for a few weeks last October. But, we ultimately settled on one and everything was scheduled to close by the end of November so I finally gave my 6-week notice last month so that my company could hire my replacement (and Caleigh could start school when it resumed on January 3). Week after week, we have been delayed in signing final documents for some reason or another. We also went through this surreal appraisal process with a second appraiser coming in $80k less than an appraisal made just 3 weeks prior from the first lender we were entertaining on using. In retrospect I guess I should have seen the red flag when the bank didn't seriously reconsider how incompetent and unfamiliar their appraiser was. We confirmed that he must have used zillow.com vs. honestly assessing recent sales and our particular market because his assessment made no logical sense, but it matched perfectly with the day's zillow assessment. Unfortunately, I probably wasted a week trying to convince the bank with detailed spreadsheets of the latest comps, our recent appraisal as well as average cost per square footage in the market in order for us to be able to cash out more money, as well as the principal of the thing. But the bank did not budge and I found that odd because all of the data supported us and a much higher appraisal. But, because we needed to wrap this up quickly, I finally caved in and for the past three weeks, I have been assured that everything was on a super, "expedited rush" and docs were almost ready to be signed. Well, the end of November came and went until last night when I was informed that they were "missing" my verification of employment (something that should have been obtained over 6 weeks ago). Out of the blue, when I have been assured that they had everything they needed weeks ago, they were now saying that they never received this. So, we are potentially kind of screwed. I spoke to my boss and informed her of this latest snag and the only thing we can hope for is that my company's payroll department does not flag my upcoming departure, but we will not be assured of anything until tomorrow. Of course my company cannot be deceptive, so the issue is if payroll has actually received the order of my last day. If they have not, we'll be okay. If they have, we will not get the loan.

Again, if you know me, you can imagine just how well I have taken this. I swear, I'm just not built for this stress and I constantly wonder what the hell have we done and I'm already incredibly embarrassed of the possibility of complete failure. So I cried nonstop for about an hour and than cursed myself because there are so many people much worse off than I. Hank tried to stay strong and not let me lose it, but even he realized the magnitude of this latest turn of events and there wasn't much he could do. Caleigh, who just received over $500 in gifts for her birthday, offered to give us her money in order to help. "How much do you need Mom?" she asked as she gave me a big hug.

So, what to do. We keep having these obstacles thrown at us and up until now, we have continuously come up with new, albeit wacky, creative plans to combat them. My main fear is that I don't think I have anything left up my sleeve, so tomorrow is critically important and will determine if we can do this thing. Like I said earlier, it's going to be a long night and I just hope I will be able to get some sleep so I can temporarily escape from this latest new reality.

To Do List

To Do List 12/1/10:

List house for lease. Follow up on re-finance loan. Put Mini Cooper up for sale on Craigslist. Oh, first wash and polish Mini, photograph and then post on Craigslist. Fill prescriptions. Order new glasses. Schedule dental cleanings. Make final vet's appointment. Watch elderly cat stop eating for 3 days and throw up whatever he had left. Wonder if he is in pain from starvation. Cry. Pay local vet to put him down for $150. $50 for a required "medical assessmen; $100 for one injection to make him go to sleep. Figure it's better than letting him starve to death or die at the local animal shelter. Cry a little bit more. Bury him next to Lover. Polish and photograph furniture that is not going to France. Email relatives about grandparent's Weber piano to see if anyone can keep it. Deliver rattan furniture to older brother, John. Post other furniture on Craigslist. Pick up Caleigh from school. Make dinner; wash dishes. Schedule home viewings. Call carpet guy to shampoo stinky carpet in "cat" room. Set up P.O. Box. Fill out change of address with post office. Continue packing and sorting through massive amount of junk. Contact cousin for visit to Colorado; make flight reservations. Reserve car for Colorado. Reserve van for France. Email Isabelle regarding renting gite for a week or two. Fix garage door opener. Check sprinklers. Trim trees. Water new ground cover. Order contacts for Caleigh and I. Oh shit, plan Caleigh 14-th Birthday! Order ice cream cake. Plan night out in Hollywood with a few of her friends (with Hank and I hiding in the shadows). Buy gift and card. Purchase home warranty insurance. Update Homeowners insurance for a rental unit. Cancel French lessons because we're just too damn busy. Schedule garage sale. Sneak a lunch out with friends. Cancel utilities. Work my typical 10-hr day. Return calls and emails (only if I can keep myself from passing out from exhaustion).

I'm so sorry if I have not been in touch. It's been crazy busy!

Moving On

Well, we're on. Precariously still, yes, but we're moving forward and I just pray that I'm not going to write an entry a few weeks from now about how everything fell through. Happy thoughts Cindy... We purchased our tickets for 2 adults, 1 teen, 2 dogs & a cat for December 26th (sorry Nipper, we don't think you would survive the trip. By the way, does anyone want a 19-year old cat that pees in purses and caterwaulers in the middle of the night?). Our Visa de Retour arrived which really made us feel like our luck was turning around because instead of having to reapply for everything again next year, we now just have to pick up our residency cards (carte de sejour) when we return to France. I also had to bite the bullet and commit to quitting my job last week so they could hire the candidate they had in mind to eventually replace me. My last day is December 17th. I have to say that after a few pretty rough years feeling overworked and abused, they have really treated me well throughout this whole ordeal. Last week I began to inventory old files from the past 4 years and I actually started to to get into this mundane task and it reminded me of the Survivor episode when the remaining four contestents reminisce about the fallen players previously voted out. As I typed each of the production titles or talent estimates, it felt good, sort of cleansing to say so long, I survived you (and some of the evil players associated with you) and now I'm letting you go.

We've been packing and trying to determine just what personal items and furniture will make the cut (and have room) in the 20' container we've hired to be dropped off on December 20 and we need to inventory all of that as well. Now, this is an activity that I would have to rate a negative -5 on a scale of 1-10 for fun things to do with your spouse. "Do you really need to keep your 1978 nikon camera, light meter and multiple lenses & colored filters that has been in storage for the past 15 years?" Yes he does. "Do you need to keep your Barbie carrying case with clothes and dolls, including a "Twiggy" doll circa 1966." Of course I do! But, we are getting through it one box at a time without wanting to kill each other yet so that's good.

We put our house up for rent yesterday and have already had quite a few replies including a nice local Topanga family who say they are very interested in a long term lease and took home an application. We can't do anything until our loan goes through which will hopefully happen this week as it is still one of the last wildcards for us. Although we're verbally approved by the bank, until we have that check in our account, we're not going anywhere. And of course, just to throw another possible curveball into our plans, a couple (motivated home buyers) scheduled a showing of our house last week and apparently really liked it, so there's that possibility ready to disrupt all of our current plans hitting just before the holidays.

We are also going to Boulder, Colo. to see my cousin and his family in early December with plans to forfeit our CA id's for Colorado ones as Colorado has a reciporacal agreement with France that will enable us to avoid having to go through a year of French driving school and plaster a large letter "A" on our car for 3 years. We've read and been told by many expats to do whatever is humanly possible to avoid this long, tedious expensive process (all in French!).

So, things are moving along and if all goes to plan, we'll be at Petit Clos a few days after Christmas and celebrate the new year in our new home. But first the holidays to enjoy with family and friends before we go.

Perpetual Waiting Game

Awoke to a frantic email from Isabelle in France who had been helping us, yet again, this time with renewing our residency cards (carte de sejour). She explained that due to the November 1 expiration date of our Visas, we would need to be back in France by the end of the month if we were to extend them for another year. We'd been in wait mode for so long, that although the thought of pulling everything together so quickly seemed daunting, I was ready to go. This long, drawn out and constant uncertainty really needed to end. And not only for our sake, but for all of our supportive friends and family. In fact, I was starting to avoid going out for fear of running into someone who would politely ask the now obligatory question, “so, when are you leaving?” and I still did not have an answer. Plus, our lives had been the focus for way to long and I was afraid that we had probably burnt everyone out over “pursuing our dreams” and I just wanted to put us all out of our misery by actually doing what we had been talking about for so bloody long and go.

Everything in our lives has been on hold for over a year now. Our house had been on the market for what felt like an eternity, our jobs were precariously temporary and Caleigh had no idea where she was going to school the next month and some of the not-so-nice kids wondered aloud if she was making this France thing up for attention.

Ever since our return to the states last April, I hadn’t renewed the newspaper or Netflix and I had grocery shopped as if we were only going to be here for a few short months. I couldn’t fathom buying more than the 25-foot foil container or a large quantity of tall kitchen bags and I cringed when all that was available was the box of 100 coffee filters, because surely, I was only going to need 30 at the most and I hated to waste. I know, that sounds so cheap (and so me) and in retrospect it obviously backfired since I had refused to buy Costco quantities (or renew my $45 Costco membership for that matter) and ended up spending so much more every time I had to replace something (damn!). We didn’t get new cells phones because we didn’t want to sign another contract so I made due with my old LG flip phone (with antennae mind you) that was really beginning to make me self conscious in this city where most people owned the latest and greatest iphone or Droid. Hell, even my mom had a cooler and hipper phone than I did.

All of my winter clothes were back in France and I had put off buying anything new because we kept thinking we would be returning the following month. Now it was November and the weather had cooled and I was wearing the same outfit of jeans, long-sleeved t-shirts & tennies every day and was seriously contemplating asking Vanessa if I might peruse the wardrobe from our latest shoot in NY... That, or go shopping at Topanga’s newest thrift store perhaps?

Later in the day, I received another email from Isabelle. This time there was a problem with the Maire authorizing our paperwork because he had never met us. Was it possible, she asked, if someone of authority could call him and prove that the form he had in front of him contained our true signatures? Bien sur. I went on an all out assault as I really wanted to avoid having to go through the bureaucratic maze of obtaining a visa again. Not to mention, having to re-apply for the carte de sejour again next year; both of which required yet more original documents, appointments and lots of euros. So I madly type an email to the kind Notaire who handled our farm purchase, along with our wonderful British immobilier who has done much, much more than sell us a house. Rosalind almost immediately replies with an enthusiastic, “of course.” Then, our dear friend Arlette gets involved and leaves the Maire a very detailed voicemail of our plight. So, we wait to hear next week.

In the meantime, the re-finance we have been working on has gone back and forth between two lenders due to their promises changing along the way. As of last week, we think we are back on the right track and if all goes to plan, we’ll have our funds by end of November and hopefully be able to depart by mid to late December. But, still we wait to confirm that.

I’m interviewing my replacement tomorrow, so that is a bit scary as I will be cutting the cord of financial stability yet again. And as appreciative as I’ve been to retain my job of sitting in front of a computer and working 10+ hour work days nonstop for months, I am so ready to trade that in for home renovating, farming, and preparing for our first Chambres d’hotes guests as early as next June. I am sure that my new day will likely be a 14+ hour work day, but at least spent doing what I love.

So we wait a little more. Hopefully not too much longer and as soon as this waiting game is finally over and we have the green light for departure, say bye-bye tired old LG flip phone and hello new life.

Groveling

"Grovel," according to Merriam-Webster is 1) "to creep with the face to the ground: crawl, 2) to lie or creep with the body prostrate in token of subservience or abasement."

And grovel I did just days after I had given notice at work. I began trying to reach my boss that same week, but as luck would have it, our office was moving to a new building and all forms of communication were cut off from Friday through Monday. You can just imagine what fun I was to be around that weekend.

When I arrived in the new office space on Monday morning, rather than my name being posted on my designated cubicle, it just said, "Petterson Replacement," I knew I had to move fast. I ran into Elizabeth first thing and asked her if she had a moment to talk. She was actually very relieved that they would not need to replace me so quickly and told me that the job was still mine if I intended on staying. She said that they will continue to interview candidates for my position now that she knows our eventual master plan, but she said she was fine in keeping me for the time being which was incredibly kind (and smart as I continue working 10+ hour days, every day which is still nowhere near enough time to finish everything). I also offered to work from France which she did not dismiss entirely and she even asked me pointed questions on how that might work. Other than the time difference, everything else would remain the same since I work from home 95% of the time right now. If I were willing to work some evenings, it might just work.

Phew, catastrophe #1 averted for the time being.

But what still remained was this overwhelming feeling of uncertainty that dominated all of our lives and had for over a year now. Was this plan still viable; even worth the incredible amount of stress it had caused? We all knew how it was beginning to take its toll on me with my emotional outbursts and reliance on more wine consumption than I should. But Caleigh was another matter. She kept her feelings to herself and generally appeared strong. She even acted supportive of the move in order to make us feel better. Unfortunately, bottling up her true feelings had probably made her act out in ways that she said she wasn't so proud of due to the impermanence of her life. Hank was still the solid rock of our family; so much in fact that he would not even entertain the possibility that our dream was not attainable. And although I envied his confidence, I was also frustrated at times because I often felt that I was handling the financial realities on my own while he got to do "all the fun stuff."

So, what to do? For one thing, we had to admit to ourselves that our house was just not going to sell this year even though it was considered "the best value" in Topanga according to local agents. That was difficult to do, but such a relief when we decided to take it off the market. No more spotless house and generic decorating. Bring back the family photos, yay! By taking it down from the MLS listing, we could also go forward with the re-fi that I had begun the week before. This time though, we would pull some more money out of our equity; rent our house in Topanga, possibly have me work remotely and hopefully have enough to make the move to France for a few years and begin renovations. During that time, there was also a chance that our previous home value would return, making this plan sort of an investment in our future. Wishful thinking I know, but the thought of not being at the mercy of low ball offers in the middle of winter was a great relief.