Saturday, May 29, 2010

Praying for a Miracle

Not the greatest day on record. We have so much uncertainty for this move and as much as I have been trying to go with the flow, today I fell apart a little. I have been dealing with 2 French banks and a French mortgage broker trying to get financing for this venture. I am actually feeling somewhat confident since we both have jobs and our income to debt ratio is well within what the banks require. What is killing us is the complete lack of interest in our Topanga home. I mean, people come to see it and like it alright, but we have not had one serious buyer. We also have to contend with the short sales that just keep getting worse and worse and today when I spoke to our agent, she said that the last two short sales will really hurt our appraisal, and thus, asking price which we recently reduced another $25,000 just a week or so ago. Suffice it to say that we will probably have to go even lower than we ever imagined and that will cut into our renovation budget and our savings and retirement. Scary concept. The euro's devaluation will help us make up some, but we need to lock in this lower rate before it starts to creep up again.

On the goofier side, our St. Joseph statue finally arrived and we buried it in the garden facing east (toward petit clos). we even said the prayer included in the little kit. I'm not quite sure about this superstition working for us as not a half hour after we buried it, we received the call from Fariba with the bad news reality of the Topanga housing market. But, you could also look at it as telling us what we needed to do to sell our house.

On an emotional note, I'm feeling pretty devastated after reading a written conversation between Caleigh and a friend saying how much she "couldn't stand my parents anymore." I really was not being nosey. I began picking up her room while she was at the movies and mall with a friend (mean old mom that I am gave her money and dropped her off earlier) and when I picked up some pieces of paper on the floor, I noticed something written on about taking pills. That obviously piqued my interest, but it ended up only being about her friend being given something for pain after having her braces tightened. I guess I should have put the correspondence away after that, but I couldn't and that's when I found out just how Caleigh feels about us.

What is weird is I ask her on a very regular basis how she is about this whole thing because I know it is not, nor has ever been, easy for her. I've explained countless times that we would be moving no matter what due to the expense of living in LA. At least in France she knows people and I do know that she enjoyed much of her time there. If we moved up to Oregon, for example, she would have to start all over again. Anyway, it is what it is and yes, I know it's typical for a teenage daughter to hate her parents - especially ones that relocate them to France in middle school. But, it breaks my heart just the same. She has no idea now, but I'm doing this for her as much as myself. She will be able to go anywhere and be anything she wants to after this experience. She has always had confidence, but this experience will make her stand out even more. She has always been exceptionally smart, but with another language under her belt, not to mention, knowledge of other cultures, she will be that much more interesting; so worldly. I really think it will open doors for her as well as give her an appreciation of the "rest of the world" that we do not always get living in the U.S. She will also learn that outside of Los Angeles, not everyone drives brand new fancy cars, has the latest and greatest toys due to having unlimited allowances. She'll learn that you don't have to be completely grown up when you are only 13 years old.

Anyway, I realize that it is impossible for her to see that vision now, so I won't push it. I just really don't want her to hate me. Is that totally unrealistic at this age?

Later that day: Caleigh learns that I have discovered this letter and tells me that of course she loves me and was really just being overly dramatic. Thank God.